When we think about love, or our pursuit for love… very often, we think about the benefits that love will bring to us. We also think about the benefits that loving those who are near us will have… but that’s where our “love reach” usually stops.
Yet, there is soooo much more to love that we often don’t think about, talk about or much less, SEE that can help us understand way more about life than we ever realized.
And you know how it is… often, we can “see” things more clearly when they’re absent from our lives than when they’re present.
So let’s go there for a bit.
Think about your life.
And let me ask you something.
Why aren’t you the FULL person you know you’re meant to be?
(Listen to your own response).
Ask yourself the question: Why?
(Listen to your own response).
Ask yourself again: Why?
By now, (most of you) should have gotten to a pretty similar understanding as everybody else.
When you think about your first limitation, or excuse you ever came up with for why you aren’t the FULL person you’re meant to be or asked yourself the series of questions I just posed to you, most of you said that you haven’t been able to reach your absolute full potential because you were wounded as a child and you didn’t receive enough love.
Do you ever wonder what your greatest legacy will be when you are no longer here?
Will your greatest contribution for your family be your:
product/service/invention,
your great recipes,
a book,
your money/inheritance,
your fine china,
your jewelry
your home or
your life insurance?
Even though you are kindly thinking of leaving these things behind for your loved ones, the fact is, none of these things are enough. Even if these items are worth billions of dollars, if you just leave them that, it still won’t suffice.
Imagine The Scene After You Leave Society
Imagine your loved ones at your wake/funeral/ash dispersal or the week after you pass.
What will they think about?
What will they remember you for?
What will they talk about?
Will they say,
“I remember that my ____ (you) loved this fine china?
Or will they say,
I remember how my mom (or you) loved me.
Do you know what they’ll think about?
How you made them feel. Perhaps they’ll cut you some slack and try to remember the positive things about you instead of the negative things about you, but if you have been mostly mean to them, then, your contribution in their life will continue to be negative.
Do you know what they’ll remember about you?
The “small” things about you, which were actually the large and grand and unique things about you. Like: your smile, the way you hugged, the sound of your footsteps, your caress, what you did when you got home, what you did when you were nervous, the funniest moment that they lived with you, the best thing you did for them, what they thought about you when they first met you vs. what they thought about you until recently, how you listened to them, how you helped them with a problem, the best surprise you gave them, the most meaningful thing you gave them.
Do you know what they’ll talk about?
Your overall experience with you. So make their experience with you a good and loving one.
You Are More Important Than Things
Although it’s super obvious that you will not be physically around your loved ones when you pass, you will leave part of your emotional essence with them. (Some believe, that you can opt to be spiritually around your loved ones when you pass.)
Nothing, I repeat, no thing that you leave them with will be enough. The best you can leave them with is your love. That’s your ultimate essence.
“Your most personal, inherent, meaningful, valuable and precious possession that you can contribute to your family and friends both now and when you’re no longer alive, is your loving essence, that will live on for as long as they do. -Haydee Montemayor
Your love is what’s important, not your stuff or the sacrifices that you make in the pursuit of stuff. Your love will be the most memorable for them for the rest of their life long after the china breaks, the inheritance runs out, or your work/product/invention becomes irrelevant to the rest of the world.
Love is Truly Everlasting
You can forget the things, the details and the events that you’ve experienced with others, but you can never forget their love. -Haydee Montemayor
Even when:
you no longer see someone
when love isn’t mutual
or when you’re in a relationship that is no longer right for either or both of you.
Love, from those that you consider the worst person or the best person, is still a gift. Love from the worst person is perhaps not your ideal gift, but ultimately, it’s their best attempt at giving you love. That is something super hard to remember, especially when you feel that you’ve given them a lot of love that hasn’t been reciprocated in the way that you expected. In a way, what you resent the most is not that they didn’t love you in the way that you wanted them to, rather, you resent the fact that your think your EXPERIENCE in life would have been so much better if they would have interacted more positively with you. And perhaps your overall life experience would have been more positive. But you know what? You wouldn’t be who you are now. And who you are right now, right this second, is exactly who you need to be in order for you to continue to develop and evolve.
Focusing on How You Can Make Your Love Contribution Positively Everlasting
But once again, the best we can do today, instead of judging the love that we receive is to stop analyzing them and analyze this question instead:
Are you giving the type of love that you want to be remembered by?
Think about some examples of people in your own life.
Which person in your life who has passed away do you remember most?
In my experience, it’s somebody who loved me best and the most. Quality does matter, but in a world that’s already congested with so many things that are competing for our attention like technology, dreams, ambitions, to-do lists, cell phones and social media, it’s important that you love often so that you can always be on someone’s mind. Quantity seems to be becoming more and more important. And if you are loving with lots of quality and on a regular basis, if you were to go tomorrow, it’s you that they’d miss, not your things and not a relationship that unfortunately didn’t have the time to flourish into everything that it could be.
So, What Is Your Greatest Contribution to Society?
Undeniably, your love. For all the reasons already mentioned and more. In order to help you remember this and plan your life accordingly, I’ve created a Love and Treasure This Moment of Introspection- What is Your Greatest Contribution to Society? PDF for you that has questions that are slightly different than the ones that you saw on this post to get you thinking even more about how your love can be your greatest legacy.
Should Your Contribution to Society Be Only Love?
Of course not. The point of this post was to make you realize that love will be your greatest contribution to society. However, make your whole life a contribution to society. Live with a focus of “How may I serve?” Make the most responsible decisions you can make. Treat people like you love them, don’t just say you do. Identify your other values and live according to them as well.
Furthermore, regardless of how much or how little stuff you think you have, get your financial paperwork in order. Talk to your attorney to see if having any of the following suggestions are suitable for you. If so:
Have a will
Have a revokable living trust
Make sure that all of your financial assets have the beneficiaries that you want
If you have children, and if something were to happen to you and your spouse indicate whom you would want to be financially responsible and raise your children.
If you don’t have an attorney, and would like to speak with a firm that has been working on legal issues for more than 40 years, and is a member of the Better Business Bureau, you can see if Legal Shield, which has personal plans for as little as $20.00 a month is a good fit for you. You can find out more information by visiting, http://www.legalshield.com/legalshield-plans/personal-plans/ . I’m not affiliated with them, I simply think they’re a good, ethical and affordable resource.
I realize it’s uncomfortable to think about these matters, but you’ll have greater peace of mind knowing that you took care of what nobody likes to deal with out of love for your family.
Time to Share Your Wisdom Tokens
I don’t know about you, but honestly, writing this article made me become quite introspective and sad, even. Particularly, because, I, like you, have relationships in my life that aren’t perfect. Relationships, that as I just said, have not flourished into everything that they can be.
The key here is for me, and most likely for you, is to double check once more if these relationships can blossom, or if they can’t.
If I think they can, I can work on them. If I think they can’t, I need to peacefully let them go and focus on the ones that I can work on. Plus, I know I’m already blessed to have great relationships that I can foster even more.
Remember, our goal in life isn’t to focus on what we don’t have, but rather on what we do have and be appreciative of that. Can we try to be better and do more? Of course, but love should always be at the core of what we do. Not only love for those we want to love, but also, love for ourselves. Love should also be at the core of everything regarding to your family, your friendships, your work and your interactions with society as a whole. Why? Because, that simply is, your greatest contribution.
So now it’s your turn. In the comments below:
Tell us, are you living the type of love that you want to be remembered by?
Or if you prefer not to be as vulnerable, answer this question: What type of love do you want to remember by?
Describe the love that you remember the most, by those living and those who have passed away.
Sacred. That’s a huge word, isn’t it? The Merriam-Webster definitions of the word “sacred” that I’d like you to think about when answering the question “Is Love Sacred?” are the following:
sa·cred
adjective \ˈsā-krəd\
: very holy
: highly valued and important : deserving great respect
b : highly valued and important <a sacred responsibility>
So Knowing These Definitions, Is Love Sacred Anymore?
You may be wondering, “Why is it important to ask this question?” Simply put, because there may come a time in your life (if it hasn’t happened already), when you’ll get discouraged about what the true value of love is, especially when you look outside yourself hoping to find its importance.
The solution? To look inside.
We cannot do the question “Is love sacred anymore?” justice by only looking at the external world for an answer without first looking at our internal life. – Haydee Montemayor
In other words,
Is love sacred to YOU in your life?
Or do you give other, more mundane things, priority based on your everyday actions?
These are undeniably very hard questions to answer because no matter how good your intentions are to give love one of the top spots in your life are, loving congruently, with your words, your actions, and your desire is tough. Extremely tough, actually… especially when you’re hoping to cling on to any justifications that you have for not being able to love congruently with your words, actions and desires or for any other feelings you may or may not be ashamed you have.
So, in a nutshell, why is answering the two bullet point questions above extremely tough? Because we engage in actions that go against love almost on a daily basis and multiple times a day.
Ways In Which We Treat Love With Little Reverence, As Though It’s Not Sacred
It’s sad and scary to realize how often we take love for granted, and more importantly, how often we treat it like trash. We treat it profanely and without the reverence it deserves. It’s almost as though we KNOW the value of love so well, that we’re playing hard to get. Almost impossible to get, at times. We don’t want to let love know how much it means to us, because we don’t want to get hurt by any type of disillusionment when it comes to love. We don’t want to commit to love… because we know that it has the power to change everything. We prefer to pretend that we don’t know its value in order to justify our mediocre justifications for living a mediocre life. We’re afraid of how fulfilled we’ll be with love alone. Why? Because we’ve been conditioned to go after things, and not necessarily after love. Here’s some proof of what we do:
We forget to say thank you to those who give us their generosity and/or their sacrifice
We take our family on vacations once a year hoping to make up for the time that we purposely didn’t give them the rest of the year. We think that a week of vacation will make up for lost time. It doesn’t matter if your reasons are justified or not, youCHOOSE not to spend time with your family regardless of how much you want to spend time with them, deep down. This is particularly a trend in parents because in an effort to give their children “everything,” they leave their children in the care and company of someone else, and in the end, the children often feel like their parents gave them nothing…. because what they want is their parents themselves. They want the parents’ love
We pretend we fell asleep instead of doing a favor that we agreed to for someone we say we love
We throw money at our problems instead of love
We give love and we expect servitude
We choose to diminish other people with our criticism instead of encouraging or uplifting them with love and kindness
And perhaps one of the worst offenders is that we THINK we’ll have tomorrow to make up for what we deliberately didn’t give our loved ones today
We would rather hold grudges, than hold hands
We’d rather be right, than be loved
We get in fights when people hurt our ego, our pride and our heart. Yet, instead of consoling our own hearts, we retaliate to protect our ego
And we often value our pride more than we value our love. We want our pride to stay intact, but we hardly ever say that we want our love to remain intact– and it hardly ever does
Our ability to love unconditionally seems almost like an impossibility. We’ll do it if, and only if, the other person proves to us that they’re worth the effort
We rather talk about the superficial, the mundane, and the obvious, instead of the deep, purposeful and meaningful
I do it. You do it. And we feel terrible about it.
We get distracted with giving ourselves and others everything that we think they want instead of giving them our time, our love and ourselves. We fail to give them us, just as we are.
Not when we’re richer.
Not when we’re thinner.
Not when we’re more charming.
Not when the people who won’t be by our side when we’re dying approve of us.
Not when we finally feel like we have our life together.
And certainly not when we have more time, because we don’t know if we’ll have time in the next minute, let alone the next second.
And we let love pass.
Treat Love As Though You Give a Damn About It
In the midst of taking a close look at how we love, at how we demerit love, at how we devalue it and often do nothing about it, there is hope. We certainly CAN do better.
As a matter of fact, let’s take a moment right here,right now, to make love sacred. I invite you to give it your full attention and answer the questions below. For your convenience, I’ve also included a Love and Treasure this Moment of Introspection- Is Love Sacred Anymore? PDF that you can print out and answer. The purpose of this introspection is for you to get to know your love. Don’t view answering these questions as a chore, view the answers that you obtain as a lifeline for truly having a life that’s worth a damn. Sorry to be so blunt, but you and I know that without positive love of some sort, life is worth nothing.
What is one thing that you do to reduce the importance of love in your life? Why do you think you do this? What are you running away from?
What is one thing you can do this week to prove to yourself that love is important to you?
Take a look at your life and answer this question: What do you tell yourself you “NEED” to do instead of loving your spouse and loving your children the majority of your waking hours? Is what you’re doing really worth it to take you away from your family, or is there a better way?
Why do you love?
When you love, what do you HONESTLY expect in return? More love? More prestige? Greater recognition? A halo? An altar? An inheritance? A steady paycheck? An alternative to a nursing home? Eternal gratitude?
What do you love with? Your body? Your soul? Your money? Your power? Your manipulation? Your time scraps? The 5% of your attention that you have left over after you’ve done everything that you consider is more important than love?
Where do you love? Only in public? Only in private? Excessively in public? Or in a clandestine way?
Do you as a person honor holidays, traditions and celebrations out of love or out of obligation? If you participate in them out of obligation, why do you participate at all?
Do you celebrate your wedding (or dating) anniversary every year? Why or why not? Is the reason that you say you don’t celebrate your honeymoon the REAL reason that you don’t? Is that reason you tell yourself truly justified?
Do you keep your love for others front and center or in the back corner or back burner of your life?
What do you pursue the most in life? Happiness? Power? Riches? Love? Approval? Acceptance? Respect? Prestige? Comfort?
If you could look into the future and see yourself as you’ll be then, who would your older self say that you need to love more as a way of showing that you do believe that love is sacred? Why would your older self recommend that you love this person more?
What is family to you? Do you love them according to your definition of family?
What is self-love to you? Do you love yourself according to your definition of self-love?
What is marriage to you? Do you love your spouse according to your definition of marriage?
What will you do moving forward, to treat love as though it’s sacred?
Remember,
The question isn’t why doesn’t the world treat love as if it’s sacred. The question is, why don’t you? – Haydee Montemayor”
So, Is Love Sacred Or Not?
Absolutely! Love is sacred. That is its nature. But without you, love is limited. You are the extension of love. You are love. And without you, love is limited in its stretch and in its reach.
Love to you will be as sacred as you treat it. If you have no respect for love, you will have a very difficult time seeing, appreciating, giving, receiving and really experiencing true love.
And that, unfortunately, will have negative repercussions for everybody, not just for you and your family, but believe it or not, for the world as a whole, because love is like a pebble, when we give it to someone or withdraw it from someone, it has effects that extend far beyond what we can see.
Time for You To Share Your Wisdom Treasures
Share one insight that you gained from your article.
Or, if you want public accountability, share your response to one of the questions above.
If you haven’t done so, subscribe to the Love and Treasure newsletter, so that you can ensure that these types of thought-provoking and heart-stirring questions reach you. That’ll be one way to show that love is sacred to you.
No words are as sweet and memorable as the words “I love you.”
Saying those words words deserve special care. Hearing those words deserves special appreciation. Those words really do invite us to analyze the impact that they currently have and can potentially have in our life. That’s why this post is about how to start romantic love conversations in such a way that your potential of end up loving with all of your senses increases exponentially. (If you’re looking for how to start fun and interesting love conversations with anybody and everybody, you can read our prior Love and Treasure post).
In this Post You’ll Learn:
What setting is best for saying “I love you”?
Plan A and Plan B for telling your loved one you love them
How to say “I love you” if you’re a planner or a perfectionist
How to make a Looooove sandwich that your partner will be delighted with
Is expressing love verbally or nonverbally better?
2 Myths about people who can’t verbalize “I love you”
What else is needed besides an “I love you” to make a relationship last?
How to love your partner with all of your senses (PDF printable)
Important Disclaimer About Love that You Should Always Have in Mind
Before we get started, please know that I’m not the master of your romantic relationship. You know who is? You, and your partner. You both can take turns loving each other in the way that suits you most. What I’m about to share are just suggestions, which you can simplify or make even more special.
How Do You Start Romantic Love Conversations With Your Special Someone?
We all know that saying “I love you” to your beloved for the first time is a little scary, but so worth it…. especially, if you at least have daydreamed about how that moment can be.
1. Make sure that the location in which you’re plan to start a romantic love conversation in is conducive to sharing how you feel and for maybe the other person to reciprocate.
2. You have two options when expressing your love:
Plan A: Be spontaneous
Plan B: Put some thought into how you’re going to express that wonderful sentiment
3. If you’re going to be spontaneous and say it when the moment is right see step 5.
4. If, on the other hand, you are a perfectionist, a planner or someone who prefers to write things out before saying them, you can write a mind map, an outline, some pointers on a Notes app on your phone, some pointers on a notecard, or a letter to plan out everything you want to say.
3. Regardless of whether you choose Plan A or Plan, make sure you make an “I love you” sandwich. You’re the chef. Choose the ingredients that best suit you:
Start off the conversation positively stating how your world is different ever since your loved one is in it.
Ensure that you’re non-verbally conveying your joy, your love, your interest… they’ll believe you more, and your words will have greater impact.
Tell them how they’re special to you.
Or talk about how you’re better thanks to them.
Talk about how love has changed you.
Say the words, “I love you” looking them in the eyes.
Say something sweet at the end, something from your heart.
Many people feel that those three magic words “I- love- you” are even more special when you explain why you love them. Hearing you say what you find beautiful in their character is music to their ears.
If you blank out after you say “I love you” at least seal those words with a kiss or with an embrace. Don’t just say “I love you” and change the subject…. especially to more mundane topics because you’ll make the moment become awkward.
Enjoy the moment as a whole because in proportion to your entire life, they’ll be few moments like, especially the first time someone says “I love you” or you feel compelled to say “I love you” for the first time.
Make the moment last. Treasure it.
Too Scared to Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve?
If you’re tempted to say everything except the words “I love you” think again. Nothing, I repeat, nothhhhhhing makes it clearer that someone loves you than hearing them say those words (If you’ve ever thought that someone loved you even though it was just a fantasy, you know exactly what this means). So if you want to make sure your loved one KNOWS that you love them, and doesn’t simply THINK that you love them, then say the words…. and say them often.
Knowing that someone loves you fosters love. Thinking that someone loves you fosters fear. -Haydee Montemayor
These are two totally different feelings. One enhances self-worth, the other enhances insecurities.
If those three truly magical words are too huge of a jump for you, think about what you’d like to hear if you were in their shoes, or even in your shoes? Very few things in life are better than looking into someone’s eyes, saying “I love you,” and getting to see what reaction those words evoke in your loved one. As long as you’re saying it with true passion, from the kindle of your soul, it never gets old hearing those words. Is there a chance that those words may backfire? Sure. But not saying them will potentially backfire you your entire life.
Saying “I Love You” At a Distance
If for some reason you can’t say “I love you” face to face at the moment, you can write a romantic letter or gather up your romantic thoughts and express it to your loved one:
over the phone
in a written letter
by email
via a text
via a phone chat message
via social media chat message
But really, if at all possible, if you can’t express your love in person, express it over the phone (because you’re live and can converse back and forth) or in a written letter (which can be a lovely keepsake to treasure). Using modern technology to convey love, isn’t that special. Sad, but true.
Dealing With the Repercussions of an “I Love You”
While it’s important to be grateful for the love that you receive, before committing to someone for a temporary relationship and especially for the rest of your life take a moment to ask yourself:
Is my partner’s way of expressing love satisfying to me?”
Even though love is a gift, it doesn’t have to be your favorite gift if the package, the contents, the delivery or the deliverer of that love doesn’t fulfill you. You have the right to choose whether you want someone’s gift of love for a little while, or for always or if you don’t reciprocate their love. Being as honest as possible with both them and yourself throughout the whole process is key.
What Happens When Your Special Someone Can’t Say “I Love You?”
When it comes to love, verbal expressions of love faaaaar outweigh nonverbal expressions of love. It may be “cute” that that you or your partner can’t say “I love you” early in the relationship, however somewhere down the line, it is vital that that your partner does say those words as generously and as unconditionally as possible. Them using excuses such as:
“Saying I love you isn’t as critical as showing that I love you” or
“I never learned how to say I love you because my mom never told me that she loved me” are not acceptable. Period.
The first excuse might make sense, but it’s a cop-out. Who says that the words aren’t as critical as actions? What if you, as the recipient, think actions aren’t as critical as the words? Plus, can’t there be both words and actions? Who ever said that having one and not the other would make a great relationship? It doesn’t.
The second excuse is such a lazy excuse because whoever uses this excuse is implying, unknowingly, of course, that love can be learned. And that it shouldbe learned. So if “momma” didn’t teach them to love at an early age, that doesn’t mean that they can’t learn it. They can teach themselves, inspire themselves, or “learn it” from their loved one(s). They should learn it. As ironic as it may seem even if the partner is okay with not hearing an “I love you” if that couple ever has children, or grandchildren, do you think that those kids will think “Oh, it’s okay that mom, dad, grandma or grandpa don’t tell me they love me?” According to Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs (not Wants) those children will not be as likely to easily reach self-actualized states like that.
Saying I don’t know how to say I love you is as absurd as saying I don’t know how to breathe, because love is what keeps us alive. -Haydee Montemayor
When Is Saying “I Love You” Not Enough?
You can tell your special someone in whatever way you can or want to that you love them, but the most important thing will be the quality of the conversations that you have with them and the quality time that you share with them.
This means that saying “I love you,” although it’s great to hear, is not enough. In the last post, I shared how to be congruent, abundant and genuine with your love. That’s what defines the quality of your love.
Your ability to give your loved one what they consider sufficient time and sufficiently abundant, congruent and genuine love will increase the likelihood of your love lasting. -Haydee Montemayor
Love With All Of Your Senses
Before you get too excited, let me explain what I mean. Loving is SO grandiose that we need all 6 senses (yep, intuition is a sense) to fully experience it. Love is so physical, yet so unphysical, it’s so sublime, yet so real. Very few things compare to it. It is literally so unifying, so magnetic, so all-encompassing that it’s hard to imagine why anything other than love exists or has space to exist. Be sure to get your How To Love With All Of Your Senses PDF .
Your Turn to Share Your Treasures
The important thing to continue love conversations going is to connect, which was what this post is encouraging you to do to make sure you click romantically. People struggle to share their love or express their needs about love when they start to disconnect. No book, no expert, no workshop, no guru can keep your love alive, but you. What are the matches to keep the love flame alive and well? Your ability to communicate your love and your your ability to communicate about love.
What stood out to you about the post today?
What do you think that is trying to tell you?
Please leave your response in the comments below. I’d love to hear! And if you haven’t done so, please subscribe and join in on this revolution to talk about what matters… this revolution to talk about love.
Talking about love may seem unnecessary. You may be perfectly fine with talkinglovingly, but are probably hesitating to have “love” be the main topic of one of your conversations. The importance of actually being brave and expressing love increases very quickly once we’re about to lose someone or worse yet, we suddenly lose them. If we love someone and hear of their passing, we noticeright away that our hesitation to talk about love doesn’t justify keeping our love for others to ourselves. But fear shouldn’t be what prompts us to give love.
Love is a treasure. While you must care for it, it does the most good and it shines brighter when you gift it to someone than when you keep it all to yourself.” -Haydee Montemayor
So how can you start your love conversations? Using the following 7 steps.
Step 1: Consider Yourself Worthy of Giving and Receiving Love
We are personal beings who thrive with and are worthy of social interpersonal relationships. Simply put, love and appreciate yourself. Do you have to be perfect at this? Of course not! But at the very least, you have to love yourself enough to know that you and your love really can matter and do matter to someone. Similarly, others in your life love you because they too consider you worthy.
Step 2: Consider Who to Give Your Love To
Love can be subtle, normal, passionate, friendly, familial or romantic. Did you know that there is such a thing as a vagus nerve? You might be wondering, “what’s that?” It turns out that according to MedTerms, the vagus nerve is:
“A nerve that supplies nerve fibers to the pharynx (throat), larynx (voice box), trachea (windpipe), lungs, heart, esophagus, and intestinal tract, as far as the transverse portion of the colon. “
Why does this matter? Because when you watch a video of someone’s success or inspirational experience and it makes you tear up or flat out cry, it’s because of your vagus nerve. It’s what causes the lump in your throat. This nerve is highly associated with oxytocin (the feel good hormone) and it is also closely linked to empathy, love and hugs. It’s probably my favorite body part, because in my mind, it’s the one that most connects us to other human beings on a spiritual “we are all one” level whether we believe in this premise or not. Is your vagus nerve very active in you, or are you hardly even aware that it exists due to your self-imposed disconnection from the world?
If someone holds a special place in your heart, it’s not a bad idea to let them know. It’s important to note that talking about love doesn’t mean pulling out all the stops on your love and making a big “fiesta” out of how you feel. You can if you want to, but you and I know that this isn’t the best way to express your love for everybody, and in every circumstance. There are tactful, appropriate and spectacular ways of expressing love and the adequacy of each varies on the love intensity that you feel. The most important thing is for your love to feel genuine to you and to the other person.
Step 3: How Can You Ensure that Your Conversations about Love and Expressions of Love Are Genuine?
By showing interest. Interest is key to making any conversation meaningful. And you won’t convey interest if you ask blah questions. Your choice to talk about blah topics leads to blah feelings. The same goes with blah comments. On the flip side:
“The deeper the questions you ask, the deeper the answers you’ll receive, the deeper the answers you receive, the deeper the relationship, the deeper the relationship, the deeper the amount of joy you’ll get out of love and life.” -Haydee Montemayor
Why will you get joy? Because despite how self-absorbed you are in your own little world with your own little gadgets, you are meant to interact with others. But as you know, the quality of the interaction matters.
Step 4: Evaluate the Quality of Love Because it Too Has a Quality of Life
Here’s a simple “in theory” but a “harder to always put into process” acronym that shows you how your LOVE has a better chance of being met with open arms if you routinely give it the following check-up:
Learn your loved one’s preferred way of being loved and express your love to them in that manner
Offer them quality time
Volunteer to support them emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually even when they don’t ask for it, but make sure that your timing of your support is right for them, not convenient for you
Evaluate the way they respond to your love often. (Be wise enough to know that if they aren’t receptive to your love– it’s because it’s probably soothing to you, but not soothing to them). Repeat this LOVE acronym as often as needed.
The most important thing to remember is to love consciously and that you expand your love awareness. No matter how often you give love, it should never with a mundane attitude, because it will quickly be, seem or become mundane to the other person.
Step 5: Love Abundantly
In most circumstances (with the exception of probably the workplace) it is better to love more than enough than to not love enough.
Do you remember when you were little, that there was that someone in your life that loved you the best? Perhaps it was a parent or a grandparent.
How did they love you?
With a thin paint brush?
Or with a thick paint brush?
in other words, did they give you their love dot by dot or with broad beautiful brush strokes?
I would say that they were the type of person that loved you spontaneously, immensely and withall their being. Do you remember how that kind of love made you feel? Or how it still does (regardless of whether they’re still around or not)? If you’re getting teary-eyed or emotional just thinking about how grandiose that love is, it’s because you appreciate that type of love. The type that has broad beautiful brush strokes.
So why is it that most of us go throughout life giving our love dot by dot, sporadically and extremely cautiously? Really! WHY do we do this? Why are there people who seem to think that they only have 10 dots/drops of love for their entire lifetime, and for them, giving love almost causes a “loving remorse” feeling very much like people sometimes get “buyers remorse”? You know if you’re in the presence of someone like that, when they are willing to love you only when the conditions are right. And if they give you love and you don’t respond the way that they want to, they want their love back. Or they simply don’t express their much at all— and if they do, it’s always after you have expressed your love to them. The most probable answer to this question is because that person might either be egocentric, hasn’t made the decision to love unconditionally, has a love poverty mentality, simply devalues love (it’s just there, it’s blah, it’s meh— it’s not something that they want to talk about unless it leads to their own needs being met) or worse yet, they simply don’t love you. OUCH, I know, but it happens. But, maybe, perhaps maybe, if everybody analyzed how their way of expressing love or in some cases of not expressing love may be perceived, perhaps they may be able to notice that they do have the potential of loving more than they are and sharing that love. Even if people are shy, introverted or not used to expressing their love… at least everybody can give love using a thin, constant brush stroke, right? As it’s often said, it’s the small things that count.
“Expressions of love don’t have to be huge to make a difference…. but they do have to be expressed.” – Haydee Montemayor
Step 6: Love Like You Mean It Not Like You Need It
The best way to test your courage is to test for how long and how much you can love in a healthy relationship… without getting it back when and how you want. When you love for the sake of loving without expectation, the possibility of rejection seems way less scary.
Step 7: Be Coherent With Your Love
“If you say you love someone act like you do. If you are acting like you love someone say that you do.” -Haydee Montemayor
Part of the reason we are hesitant to express our love is because since love is everywhere, it falls into scenarios where it may be considered a taboo to love or where we might be judged because we love. When we express our love to someone in and out of these scenarios we often feel like we have to walk a tight rope to ensure that we’re giving just the right amount of love, not too much and not too little for fear of what others may say. Get over that! Puhhhlease!
Have you ever been to a funeral and seen how someone expresses their love to someone, often between yells, tears and a whole bunch of “why’s” ? I don’t think that person is caring at the moment what others think. Why? Because their need to express love is THAT compelling, forceful and critical at that moment. Often, these are the people who didn’t say how much they loved the person when they were alive. Or realized that they gave their love, drop by drop, dot by dot, inconsistently, and with a super thin brush and now they’re eager to use the thick brush in those last few hours.
When is it better for you to talk about love? When you for sure won’t get a reaction out of the person you’re expressing your love to or while you still can?
Love and Treasure this Introspection Moment
I have included a PDF that has some sample questions that you can start using to talk about love. As you’ll see, talking about love can be fun, playful, creative and deep.
If you have a strong suspicion that we have it backwards in the world, you’re not alone. For example, we say we want peace and love, but what do we focus on? The news? The negative? Interested in watching a war or horror movie, anyone? Before going on any further, given that what you think is positive or negative and what I think is positive or negative may be different and potentially controversial, and because I recognize that we all want different things out of life, we need to clear up two definitions that I looked up:
positive: showing pleasing progress, gain or improvement
negative: not desirable or optimistic
What Treasures Will You Obtain From This Post?
In this post, you will learn the answers to:
What are the 3 studies that can inform you if life is more positive or negative- despite what is being portrayed?
Why are human beings interested in the negative?
Which of the 3 studies is most important, positive and relevant in your daily life?
Which of the 3 studies is the most negative for your life experience?
How is the world doing overall? (Statistics included)
Are there more studies that focus on negative things in life or on positive things in life?
What is some recent good news worth finding out about and where you can find even more of it?
How can you internalize what you learn from this post to increase the positivity in your life?(It includes a printable PDF that you can use to your heart’s content)
What Are The 3 Studies That Can Inform You If Life is More Positive or Negative- Despite What Is Being Portrayed?
While there are many types of specific studies conducted in each of the fields of study, like science, engineering, medicine and linguistics, overall, in life, there are three types of studies. There are the studies that:
The pros do (a.k.a. the scientists)
The world does (the media)
You do (your personal experience of life)
Why Are Human Beings Interested in the Negative?
If we know that what we focus on expands, why are we focusing for HOURS a day, massively and worldwide on experiences which we don’t want more of? Doesn’t make sense, does it? But yet we do it. According to Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton, authors of Now, Discover Your Strengths, the reason why we sometimes show interest in the negative is because,
“guided by the belief that good is the opposite of bad, mankind has for centuries pursued its fixation with fault and failing. Doctors have studied disease in order to learn about health. Psychologist have investigated sadness in order to learn about joy. Therapists have looked into the causes of divorce in order to learn about happy marriage. And in schools and workplaces around the world, each one of us has been encouraged to identify, analyze, and correct our weaknesses in order to become strong. This advice is well intended but misguided. Faults and failings deserve study, but they reveal little about strengths.”
And it isn’t our failings as a society that makes us strong. It’s the positivity and support that each of us can contribute that can truly make a lasting and significant difference in the causes we genuinely care about.
Which of the 3 Studies is the Most Important, Positive and Relevant in Your Daily Life?
While it may be useful to try to keep up with the latest research studies that scientists do, what is much more important, relevant and definitely positive in your life is that you focus on what you study. In other words, you need to focus on, analyze and test the results that you get from life when you:
talk about what you want to talk about
talk to whom you want to talk to
spend time with whom you choose to
listen to what you listen to
watch what you watch
choose what you choose
behave how you behave
think what you think
focus on what you focus on
believe what you believe
create what you create
experience what you do
You may think that you need to justify some of your preferred activities by saying, “oh, it’s just entertainment” but think about this, many negative acts have been started and continue on for the sake of entertainment, or worse yet, custom. So for that reason, go back to the definitions about positive and negative and truly analyze and see the connection between what you do and how you feel.
Above anything though, please know that it’s important that if you aren’t experiencing from life what you want there is hope. Look not only behind the horror that comes into your consciousness from sensationalist media, but also from those around you. They influence you as much or sometimes even more than the media does. As you may have heard, Jim Rohn’s quotation, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” So explore if they’re supporting you in how you want to feel or if they aren’t.
Even though you may consider these research findings that you obtain from your life “unofficial,” be assured that they are significant, valid and reliable enough that you can use them to design a better and different life that matters to you and is worth living, especially if things aren’t looking too positive in your life right now. If something isn’t working change it. As Albert Einstein said, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” If your life is working for you, noticing this simply encourages you to continue living the good life that you have created for yourself. Whatever your circumstances are, appreciating the good things you do have always has the power to do wonders in your life.
Which of the 3 Studies is the Most Negative for Your Life Experience?
Given that you know that research studies done by professionals in universities or various career fields, may or may not be relevant to you and that your personal experiences are some of the most meaningful and impactful experiences where you can discover for yourself what works and what doesn’t work for you, it’s not difficult to conclude that the most negative type of study for your life experience is in fact the media, particularly the news.
In his article “Bad News Sells Better than Good News,” David Murray offers a wonderful paradigm-shifting perspective on what is behind worldly news. He says,
“the good news about bad news is that there is not nearly as much of it as you might think. The bad news about good news is that good news doesn’t tend to sell.”
That is unfortunate… that good news doesn’t sell. In order to understand this phenomenon a bit more, a book that we can add to our “to-read list” for a much welcome change of pace is “Upside: Surprising Good News About the State of Our World” by Dr. Bradley Wright. He is not alone in what is now more than just positive thinking, but actually positive reality. For example, according to Simon Sinek, we live in a very safe world. He says that the likelihood of dying due to another human being’s attack against you is the lowest it’s ever been. And yet for some reason, you may believe that it’s crucial to watch the news. But for many, doing so is as important as saying it’s crucial to buy Doritos. While the news can be informative (just as Doritos can be tasty) according to Dr. Wright,
“the media sells negative world views. It’s not that reporters, writers and editors are pessimistic people, rather, they have a strong incentive [cha-ching] to tell us about the fearful, scary and dangerous happenings in our world. The media is a business and it succeeds by attracting viewers and readers.”
Wow… that’s interesting. Many people watch the news as if it’s momma and pappa telling them what to do, what not to do, what to eat, what not to eat, who to trust, who not to trust, who to vote for, who not to vote for, who to fear and who not to fear and worse yet, who to judge. But you see, in many ways, if you love the news you’re simply being lured and you’re just a customer. The sad news is that those stories that you “buy” affect you like the nightmare that haunts you, but which unfortunately is more difficult to forget than a regular dream. Just like in any other business, news broadcasters try to beat their competition by
“… offer[ing] something that is truly frightening. If watching a story can save us from imminent danger, then maybe, we’ll stop channel surfing long enough to watch it. If reading a report can protect us from a health scare, maybe we’ll pick up the magazine off the rack. Sensationalism and fear sells– this is a fact that wont change anytime soon.”
Why? Because people who fall prey of sensationalism and fear (which is the majority of people) are okay with having the external world validate their internal fears. To really make matters worse (no pun intended), the fact that there are pros and cons to everything is something that the media uses to its advantage given that even when positive things are going on in the world… they can always pull the “but what’s the downside to this great news?” trick and sell that sensationalist version to the public.
According to Harry Mount, a British author and previously a journalist for British and American newspapers, says that for some reason, as human beings, we:
Are often fascinated when something awful happens to something that has existed for many years. (Thankfully, he agrees that one reason that we become fascinated with the negative is because “really bad things happen much less often than everyday, good things.”)
Believes we would become quickly and extremely bored by reporting the successful events such as safe airplane landings. However, plane crashes are captivating because they’re unusual and they often become more interesting if there is footage available for people to see. Even when people inherently know that being interested in events like these is horrible… their feeling of knowing that it’s horrible but still feeling interested can exist at the same time. This phenomenon happens to many of you, when you see a car accident, when you don’t want to look, but at the same time you do… and often do look.
Are interested in horrible events as long as they didn’t happen to anyone too close to us. He says, “None [of you who look at a car crash] wants to be in that car crash. Part of the fascination is consolation- thank God, it isn’t me or my family that have been struck.”
As a human race, we are often interested in evil and sad things. There seems to be a fascination with war, for example. It’s not that we want negative things to happen, but we’re interested in reading about them when they do. There is often greater interest if the evil and sad things are fictional… that’s why movies that portray either of these subjects do well. And if you note, it’s usually males that are more interested in this, for some reason.
Do You Think You’re Doing the World a Favor By Watching the News?
Have you ever stopped to notice what the Twitter tagline of CNN is, “it’s our job to #gothere and tell the most difficult stories. Come with us.” I’m not sure how that could possibly be an encouraging invitation for anybody. If somebody invited you to their house and that tagline was on the invitation, would you go? I don’t think so. Why not? Because, honestly….Do we need to listen to more difficult stories?
Personally, I don’t watch the news and don’t see the point in watching them. Some might claim, “but it’s useful to be informed” or ask me “not being informed is being ignorant.” I disagree. Let me tell you why. Please note that my intention isn’t to be preachy, but rather to invite you to step into somebody else’s shoes, which is a much more positive invitation than hearing the difficult stories of the world every day. 😉
Going back to the car accident example, let’s say you’re riding down the freeway and there’s an accident. Is there any use in being person number 101 to watch the accident for more than a nanosecond? Unless the first 100 people haven’t called 911, assisted the injured or served as witnesses, then you watching the accident may be useful. But usually it’s not. What if you were in the accident and you’re in pain, shock, or trauma? If you were physically and emotionally conscious enough to notice or care, would it help you at all to see, feel or know that hundreds of people are passing you by and doing nothing? Of course you would expect that someone helps, but would the rest of the people improve the situation just by watching? Worse yet, would it help that your accident is televised and thousands, if not millions of people see it? Pain is often a private moment, especially when the number of people watching aren’t making the situation any better.
My 3 Reasons For Allowing Sad News to Enter My Life
In my mind, sad news only is justifiable to the degree that
I am catapulted to act on an exact way to help (like a donation, or moral support)
the information shared doesn’t just produce fear, paranoia or panic
I am inspired or uplifted seeing the resilience, strength and courage in others in such a way that it impacts my life and changes my present, past or future for the better.
Perhaps my point of view can seem egocentric, but more than that, I see it as more humane. I want to help as much as I can and I know my limits. I respect and honor the time people need to process a painful experience and nobody’s suffering is ever or will ever be my entertainment. If I can help, I’ll get involved. If I can’t, I’ll stay away. I saw a perfect Venn Diagram that relates to this a couple of days ago that basically said that in life there are two categories,
things that matter,
things you can control…
… and what you should focus on is what matters and that you can control. Focusing on the negative for the “sheer pleasure” of focusing on the negative especially when it’s out of your hands, is essentially plain insanity, at the very least. It’s like this: if a plate is broken in France and you can do nothing about it, why focus on it? To be informed? For what? If you will be of service with the information, that’s wonderful, go right ahead and inform yourself so that you can provide solutions all you want. But if you will just watch and not even take the time to send good wishes to those affected, for the benefit of our world, please focus on positive things because if you keep focusing on the negative, the negative will grow and depending on what it is, it can potentially hurt us all. (If you don’t believe me, read the quotation at the end of this post).
How Is the World Doing Overall?
There are people who simply want the facts that “prove” that the world is in better shape than we think it is. Not that we should request proof of that (if anything, we should really be questioning whether the world is as bad as we have been led to believe because that worries us— just like if you had a family member in the hospital… you wouldn’t probe the medical professionals to respond to…”really? my family member is doing great?” “are you sure?”), but here are some great statistics that can shine a bit of extra sunlight on your perspective of life if you live in the U.S. or simply love the U.S. from Dr. Wright’s book Upside: Surprising Good News About the State of the World. Did you know that:
“People living in the middle class in the U.S. live better than 99.4% of all human being who ever existed.” Yep that includes kings, queens and pharaohs.
“Americans are healthier and live longer than ever before.”
“Literacy rates in the U.S. are up and crime is down.”
“Family income is up and the cost of living is down.”
“Are and water quality is up and deforestation is slowing down.”
You might be wondering… “when was the book Upside published because that’s not what I saw/heard/read the last time I checked?” The book was published on July 1, 2011. This is even better news, isn’t it? Because these statistics stand in spite of the recent recession.
Because the whole world, not just the U.S. is thankfully on the upswing too, listen to this! According to a United Nations 17-year study from 1990-2007, 109 out of 115 countries improved in life expectancy, education and income. So it’s not all going to the wolfs! Yay! =) We know the world took a financial dip after that study, but human beings are resilient. We may have faced rough patches or may still be facing them, but in the grand scheme of things, all is well. This is not an airy-fairy phrase because even scientists like to study things throughout several years to ensure that their findings are accurate throughout the span of time. Even though countries can face ups and downs like we can, the most important thing to note is the possibility and the probability of positivity. During any given time frame 95% of the world can be improving! You don’t often get to hear a statistic like this one, do you? But it’s true.
Sure, all isn’t perfect. Wright assembles hundreds of facts and statistics to support his persuasive thesis that although there are still a few significant areas where things are getting worse rather than better, that’s the exception rather than the rule, and concludes:
“Two thousand years ago, a book whose core was euaggelion—good news—began to be widely read. We of all people should be able to recognize and celebrate and express gratitude wherever we find it. For all good news is God’s good news, and to ignore it, hide it, minimize it, or distort it is neither mentally healthy nor spiritually sound.”
Are There More Studies That Focus on the Positive or the Negative?
Henry Ford is famous for his quotation, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t – you’re right.” The reason why this quotation is very accurate picture of your life is because what you experience is a direct reflection of what you believe, and is influenced by how you feel. So if you perceive the world to be scary, safe, positive or negative, that perception shapes your world tremendously.
So when you ask, “are there more studies that focus on the positive or the negative?” Guess what? The answer is simple. It depends on what you believe and it also depends on who you ask. If you ask a scientists, their response will depend on what their interests are and what they study. If you ask the media, you know what they’ll say (why would you ask the media?) and if you ask yourself… well, you’ll get your own answer.
So in this epic war between good versus evil, and the positive versus the negative who is likely to win? You won’t believe it 😉 , but thankfully, humans are more receptive to good news than bad news. A team at University College London (UCL) has concluded that despite what it may seem like on the surface, human beings prefer to look on the bright side. It may be surprising to know, especially when thinking about the pessimists in your life, because according to Ian Sample, a writer for The Guardian, says that
“most of us (about 80%-90% of the general population) go through life with a selective ear for the news we take in. We hear the good more than the bad, the flattering more than the insulting” and we update our beliefs for the good.
For example if someone tells us that we’re smarter or better-looking than we thought… we update our self-image quite a bit for the better. But when someone tells us the opposite, we incorporate that into our own perception of ourselves to a lesser degree. This phenomenon is what neuroscientists call the “good news/bad news effect.” And they believe there are pros and cons to it. If we update our beliefs about ourselves and the world mainly on good news, we tend to have a more optimistic view of life. We are less anxious of the negative life events that could happen. On the flip side, some would argue that ignoring bad news can be dangerous and can make people be overconfident, reckless and poorly prepared for a negative life event or world event. But overall, this good news bias affects the world positively. The only people who don’t benefit from this positive bias as much as everybody else are people with depression, for obvious reasons. So smile from the inside out!
What Do the Research Archives Reflect About Whether the World is Positive or Negative?
Given our media, if we asked any random person on the street whether there are more studies done on the positive aspects of life versus the negative aspects, most would say that researchers focus more on the negative. I don’t blame them! That’s what it seems like. However, I did some research on words that are found in books, academic journals, magazines, newspapers, and encyclopedias using a research tool and discovered a great trend. See if you can spot it in each of the comparisons that I broke down for easier analysis below:
Word
Books
Academic Journals
Magazines
Newspaper
Encyclopedia
Total
Love
68,237
23,990
78,726
967,093
686
1,138,732
Apathy
17,484
878
1,767
9,458
10
29,597
Hate
40,648
2,778
13,168
117,945
13
174,552
Word
Books
Academic Journals
Magazines
Newspaper
Encyclopedia
Total
Positive
72,805
53,895
61,263
402,529
179
590,671
Negative
68,663
39, 164
37,123
143,264
147
288,361
Word
Books
Academic Journals
Magazines
Newspaper
Encyclopedia
Total
Positive News
11,110
2,155
8,914
59,187
0
81,366
Negative News
9,148
1,744
5,781
23,059
0
39,732
Word
Books
Academic Journals
Magazines
Newspaper
Encyclopedia
Total
Positive Studies
26,828
21,009
6,466
10,987
19
65,309
Negative Studies
23,547
15,600
3,895
5,361
13
48,416
Word
Books
Academic Journals
Magazines
Newspaper
Encyclopedia
Total
Good News
39,793
6,684
48,088
358,796
7
453,368
Bad News
21,231
2,045
18,444
131,789
5
173,514
Word
Books
Academic Journals
Magazines
Newspaper
Encyclopedia
Total
Positive Research Studies
11,914
13,316
3,022
3,464
1
37, 717
Negative Research Studies
10,026
9,600
1,780
1,910
2
23,318
Word
Books
Academic Journals
Magazines
Newspaper
Encyclopedia
Total
Good World News
18,186
2,893
18,545
105,649
3
145,276
Bad World News
7,599
803
7,023
40,118
2
55,545
Word
Books
Academic Journals
Magazines
Newspaper
Encyclopedia
Total
Positive World News
4,054
790
3,039
16,990
0
24,873
Negative World News
3,290
627
1, 951
6,553
0
12,421
Did you find the trend? There has been more written about the good/positive than the bad/negative! Now that is literally great news! =) Now if only we would get to hear more about the positive news, right? Don’t worry, I have some for you, right now.
So What Is Some Recent Good News Worth Finding Out About?
Have you ever listened to the radio and heard a segment called something along the lines of “events that happened in history on a day like this?” Usually they mention negative things, right? Even the word history doesn’t necessarily bring up many positive memories (no wonder it was always my least favorite subject all throughout school because I believe that history has the potential to spread more animosity between cultures, religions and races since it indicates our differences more than it unites us in love). But did you know for example. that on July 23, 1904, ice cream was invented? As of this year, 2014, ice cream is 110 years old!
If you’re looking for another pick-me up AFTER you finish reading this post, instead of heading over to the You Tube website to watch an iffy comedy sketch or engaging in any activity that doesn’t show “progress, gain or improvement,” head on over to http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/ . On the wonderful Good News Network site, you can find out about families who travel the U.S. spreading kindness on a sponsorship, a policeman who helps a family in need with his own money and even a plastic bottle recycling machine that provides dog food for stray dogs! (this last one is especially cool) The best thing is that this invention isn’t in a country you would expect– which makes reading the tiny, to-the-point article even better news.
It’s Time to Share Your Wisdom Treasures
I realize this post was longer than usual.. but we covered a lot of important ground that can literally position us in a positive frame of mind to do the meaningful things that we are meant to do in life, which this site will inspire to do.
I don’t really think that there is a better way to end this post than with this quotation and a brief reflection:
“The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited… We need men who can dream of things that never were.” –John F. Kennedy
So, even if you’re the exception, or the only one who can see things from a positive, purposeful progressive angle in your family, workplace or circle of friends…. stay positive… and share more positivity with the world, little by little, through the activities of your life, your actions, suggestions and conversations.
In a world where getting lost is easy, if you ever need a compass to find your way, make sure that your compass points to your heart, because that’s the only way up and through whatever you’re dealing with.
In the comments below, please share with me:
How have your perceptions of the positive things and the negative things in life changed as a result of this post?
Or do you have any great news to share? Please do! 🙂
Love and Treasure This Moment of Introspection
So now that you know that your surroundings are a lot more positive than you might have thought, let’s look again at you. As a way to invite you to internalize the information you learned via this post, I have designed a PDF with heart-stirring questions that you can print out or send to your annotation mobile apps (that allow you to highlight and write on PDFs) so that you can learn more about yourself and create a more fulfilling life based on a very important study— the study conducted by you.
Last week you received an invitation to talk about love. And I sense that you’re a little apprehensive in talking about love. That’s why this post will talk about:
Why talking about love is natural
Why talking about love can be beneficial to everyone you love
4 Scenarios Where You Can Influentially and Safely Talk About Love
35 ways to talk about and communicate love
Perhaps you’re interested in talking about love, or perhaps you’re simply interested in hearing about love because you feel you’re not prepared, you feel you don’t have the knowledge or the courage to talk about love. Or if you do have at least some ideas about what you’d like to say about love and to whom, you’re simply embarrassed to talk about love. You question how people will react to you, and thus, you’re uncomfortable doing so. You perhaps believe you are going to inconvenience people by talking about love. But you know what IS an inconvenience? Not talking about love and not communicating with love. Why? Because whenever you speak or communicate, there are three ways you can come across. You can either come from a fearful/hateful mentality, an I-don’t-give-a-darn mentality or a loving mentality. In a nutshell, you can respond to the world badly, indifferently or kindly.
As you’re starting to see, if you hadn’t already, speaking from a loving place doesn’t mean speaking in flowery, poetic and falsely sweet language. It’s about speaking your truth while honoring yourself, other people, the circumstance you’re in and the world at large. Believe it or not, talking about love and with love is a way to provide service to the world. Not doing so, negatively affects yourself, those around you and the world. Think I’m exaggerating? Imagine a world where everyone communicated with love almost always? We wouldn’t have the social or political issues that we have now. So that little thing called love, isn’t so little, anymore, is it?
4 Scenarios Where You Can Influentially and Safely Talk About and Communicate Love
While it’s important to talk about love and with love almost everywhere, there are four scenarios in which that doing so will yield the best results. These are: when you talk about and with love to yourself, with your family, with your community and with me.
Speak Lovingly to Yourself and Lovingly Take Care of Yourself
The relationship that you have with you is truly important and even though you KNOW that intellectually already, if you’re like most people, you often are more inclined to listen to or help someone else than to help yourself. While it’s very commendable that you’re so generous, the more you are in tune with yourself the better influence you’ll have on others and the more help you can be for them.
When you think of how you can love yourself you think you can love your body, your personality, your achievements, your mind and your soul. Guess which one you should take care of the most? Your mind. And it’s the hardest one to positively impact… yep, even harder than loving your body… because:
You don’t feed your body even half as much junk as you feed your mind.
And of course your soul is important… but if you took good care of your mind, you wouldn’t affect your soul. Besides, your soul is the brightest part of you anyway.
It’s especially important that you radiate love to yourself when you:
see yourself in the mirror
make a mistake
are sick
feel lonely
feel hurt
feel wronged
failed (whatever that means, anyway)
forget something
are at your wit’s end
are trying to relax
accomplished something you think is insignificant, but others are grateful for
are in your own haven such as your bedroom or entire house
you lose/gain weight
you find an internal or a physical imperfection in yourself
Avoid judging yourself, because it’s impossible to judge and love yourself simultaneously.
You most likely can relate to the fact that you’re your worst enemy… which you are. But guess what? You’re also you’re only enemy because in sum, you teach the world how to treat you and if you’re not willing to treat yourself right, why should anyone else treat you right? It starts with YOU. The more genuinely you love yourself, the more empathy you’ll have for others and others will have for you.
Be Especially Loving to the Crowd that’s Most Likely to Retaliate When You Do Things Out of Love
Talking to your family and friends about and with love may seem like it’s all going to be give-give-give, peachy and well received. Let me tell you it’s not. Above anyone else, and because of the influence you have on your family and your family has on you… the best way to love your family is not by giving them all they want simply because they want it. It’s a matter of giving, withholding and taking away in the manner that most closely matches what they need the most for their most beautiful evolution. For example, if you have a child, a niece/nephew or a grandchild, you know that giving them everything when they want, where they want and how they want it is not going to allow them to flourish, instead it will, as we say, “spoil” them…. not in a way that implies that they’re bratty, but rather in a way that truly does not allow them, their character, their intelligence, their emotional intelligence or their empathy to expand.
It’s especially important that you radiate love to your family when they:
Want something that you’re pretty sure is not in their best interest
experience negative emotions toward you or toward others
experience positive emotions toward you or toward others
are seeking your approval in a positive way
are sad, whether they’re verbally or nonverbally expressing that sadness
experience confusion
don’t share their emotions with you
are too self-sufficient and “strong”
share too many of their emotions with you even though it may be overwhelming for you
are not in the “stage” you’re in, whether developmentally, intellectually, mentally, spiritually or emotionally
The reason why talking to your family and friends about love isn’t as easy as one might think is because they expect the world from you. They love you, and therefore, want to feel unconditionally loved, supported and understood by you. They want you to witness their pain in a way that honors their soul and their individuality.
Be Generous With Your Community
Of all the scenarios where you can express your love, this is for many, the most difficult. As you know, you can support your community by volunteering your time and donating money, both of these require some degree of love… but in case you’re thinking you have neither time or money to give…you do have an abundance of one thing and that is simply love.
There are many different ways to serve your community with love. You can:
Encourage and support your community leaders
Be nice to every community member regardless of socioeconomic status everyone from the homeless to the mayor
Contribute to Fundraisers
Smile
Hold doors for people
Respect and/or beautify public places by at least keeping them clean
Abide by laws and regulations that promote the enjoyment of the community environment
Not only is it good to do the positive things for everyone as much as possible, but it helps tremendously if you
don’t gossip about them
don’t plot with others to humiliate them
don’t sabotage them.
If you don’t like what they’re doing propose something better and investigate whom to talk to so that your ideas don’t fall on deaf ears.
In the process, be humble. Some of your ideas will make a difference… and others, will sadly be too “utopic” for them to be implemented… at least for now. But keep dreaming, and keep acting in your own life as someone who moves forward and maybe, just maybe, people will notice. Even if they don’t, you’re still doing what’s best for you and your family…. and your family can someday in some big or small way be the messengers of your vision.
Talk About Love With Me
Talking about love isn’t easy, but I definitely know that it beats the alternatives. Since this site is focused on love, and there is a tremendous need for us to talk about love with ourselves, with our community and with our family and a whole lot of openness and courage that is needed for this, I am encouraging you once again to feel free to contact me via email, snail mail and social media to talk about love. If you’re having trouble or you’re having successes in talking about love and with love,.I would LOVE to be in the loop about what you have to say, therefore, you can use the hashtag #loveandtreasure in any of the major social media forms.
Here is a list of links that you can use to stay connected:
Which of the 4 scenarios do you prefer for starting to talk about love and communicate with love? Why?
Do you have additional ideas for how we together can talk more efficiently and effectively about love and express revolutionary love to others? If so, please leave a comment below.
