I don’t know about you, but I believe there is one topic that is at the root of much of our despair and much of our sadness…. and that is, our love wounds.
Many of us have wounds in our heart, soul and mind (and hopefully nowhere else) that we got after a relationship did one of 3 things:
- turned sour
- stagnated (stayed stuck)
- didn’t evolve in the way and in the speed that we wanted it to
And while it may be that an ex-love, an ex-friend or a formerly beloved family member hurt you with what they said or with what they did… it’s not the act in and of itself that hurt you.
It’s what you make that word or that action that you didn’t like mean to you. It’s your interpretation of it.
You and I assign the value to things. We label things as good, bad or indifferent.
You Have The Power To Eliminate and Prevent Future Love Wounds
As much as you would like to point our finger at someone and say things like…
- “You hurt me.”
- “I’m suffering because of you.”
- “After you did _____ my life has never been the same.”
… but either you continue pointing at someone else and give YOUR power to THEM or you point to yourself (usually to your heart) and you recognize that you have the power to overcome any hurt that you face.
Better yet, you have the power to not become hurt in the first place by not assigning what someone did a meaning that you know makes you feel hurt.
It’s Hard, I Know
As a sensitive person myself, I tooootally know that taking responsibility for our feelings is tough.
Almost impossible, really.
Yet, the problem is that most of us think that life happens to us.
We feel like we’re the victim and on the receiving end of injustices.
Deep down, we feel that we’re like a princess/prince waited to be rescued from a tower located in the middle of a hurricane of unfortunate circumstances.
And we can be rescued, you know?
As a matter of fact, we’re the only ones who can rescue ourselves. Because in the eye of the hurricane… no matter what’s going on externally, everything is calm.
Or at least it can be and feel that way.
Nobody in a white horse is coming to get you.
Yep, I know it sucks. But at least you can stop waiting now and get on with your life..
Still Unconvinced That You Can Choose Your Feelings Regarding What Someone Said or Did?
Think of a situation where you and someone else had something bad happen to you.
Did both of you act in exactly the same way?
Maybe. But most likely, you didn’t.
Because hurt is in the eye of the beholder.
So Does Love Hurt? Should It?
The answer to this question depends on various things.
It depends on:
- what we make someone’s act/word mean
- it depends if we feel we create our present or we’re the victim of circumstances
- it depends on whether we think that love should hurt.
In my point of view, there is a realistic and a masochistic way of answering this question.
If someone dies whom you love dearly dies, yep, that’s going to hurt. It’s realistic to think this way.
But if you think that anybody that loves you needs to hurt you to feel love, then that is being a masochist.
So to be clear, hurt is not a prerequisite to love.
But knowing how sensitive we are, how much time we spend with our loved ones, and how we’re prone to take things the wrong way, then it is very likely that at some point in our life, we will be hurt by the people we love.
And we’ll hurt someone.
Although this is unfortunate, it’s important to note that one of the most common reasons for why we’re hurt, is because we care about the other person.
However, instead of using the “he Hurt me” and I care about him/her therefore it must be perfect love” to test your relationships, because that can become really unhealthy, really fast, you have to see being hurt as a possibility. (Just to be clear, I’m not suggesting that you take any sort of abuse from anybody, because that is not love in the first place).
Loving someone and allowing ourselves to be loved will be the bravest thing you’ll ever do. It will also be the most rewarding.
You have to love like you’ve never been hurt.
You have to love people who deserve your love unafraid that they might hurt you.
As I mentioned in one of my prior posts, you have to love with broad strokes. This will help other people truly feel loved. Much more so than if they only got your love crumbs.
In the end, we’ll ask ourselves am I focusing more on the thorns, or more on the rose itself.
It’s Your Turn
What do you think:
Does love hurt? Does it have to?
I’d like to hear your answer below.