Do you have someone who really listens to you?
If you’re less than lucky, you’re searching in your mind and trying to think of that one person who is a good listener, who you can tell absolutely everything to and still know they will be by your side no matter what.
If you were able to think of someone, that friend is more than a friend. That person is a TRUE treasure. And if the person you thought of is a family member, he/she is a double treasure, given the dismantled state of most of our families.
But if you’re mentally scratching your head, shaking it and have a semi-frown on your face because you can’t think of anybody who really listens to you, you’re not alone and I want to honor you.
I don’t want to give you tips on how to fix this.
Let me repeat, I want to honor you.
Because regardless of who’s been by your side or who’s chosen to no longer engage in it, you’re here. Right here. Right now. In hopefully, one complete piece.
And THAT’s a BIG deal!
Do you know how many co-dependent people there are in the world? 😉 Thank gosh, you’re not one of them.
It takes strength, courage, love, perseverance, picking yourself up from one disappointment after another and learning lessons from both your triumphs and trials to be where you are now.
YOU are amazing!
And on top it all, you give love to others. Your heart isn’t frozen. When it very well could be.
How Do I Want To Honor You?
I want to honor you by sharing the 5 reasons you shouldn’t feel ashamed if nobody in your life truly listens to you .
1) Be Proud Of Your Own Reasons For Protecting Your Heart
I understand why you’ve DECIDED to be cautious with what you share and with whom. Do you have people in your family pointing a finger at you telling you that you’re too private? Or that you’re a closed book? You’re darn right in protecting yourself. Any reasoning that you have for doing this that falls between “you’ve been hurt in the past” and “not many things are private in life anymore” is a good reason. Why? Because it’s YOUR reason.
2) Know That Your Heart Is Grateful For Your Sacrifices
Regardless of what your reason for protecting your heart is or how you’ve protected it, if your heart could speak, it would most likely say “Thank you” because to some small or great degree, you’ve sacrificed yourself for your heart’s sake. You’ve let go of friendships and relationships sometimes gently, sometimes abruptly for your heart’s sake. Being around people who diminish your belief in yourself, your dignity, your self-respect and your peace is a no-no both for you and your heart. And you’re continously looking out for both of you.
3) Do What You Need To Do To In Order To Feel Safe
Safety is good. Really! I’m not being sarcastic. Safety is one of our basic needs and until it’s met, it’s hard to have many other things going favorably for us if that need isn’t met. So if you’ve taken steps to increase how safe you feel in your marriage, relationships, family, work, and friendships, you deserve a round of applause. Even though most people will only give you judgement.
Remember this, just because someone doesn’t feel violated by the meanness of others doesn’t mean that you have to tolerate people being mean to you.
I don’t know if you have this dynamic going on in your life… but sometimes, the people who are the most mean and cold toward you love those you love the most. For example, does your mom have a favorite sibling that “so happens” to be the aunt/uncle that cares the least about you? Or a cousin who isn’t afraid to confront you and talk smack about you who claims that your mom is their favorite aunt? When that happens, your lovely mother can judge you for not wanting to be around that aunt, uncle or cousin of yours. But, come on! Can she really blame you? Well, technically, she can, but you don’t have to fall for it. Here’s the thing:
Your personal space is personal. Only you can indicate how closely you let others into your life. It doesn’t matter that people in your life let others squash them.
4) Recognize That Only You Decide If and When You Open Up To Others
Maybe you’ll feel like trusting more each day. Maybe you won’t. And regardless of what happens, that’s okay. No expert, author, coach, speaker, entrepreneur and blogger can grab your hand and drag you across the floor in order to force you to trust more. That’s your choice. That’s your prerogative.
5) Remember That We’re All Wearing Our Own Noise-Cancelling Headphones, Wearing Our Own Black-Stained Glasses and Using Our Own Megaphones
Remember that telephone game with styrofoam cups and string. Let me tell you, it’s real. No matter how clearly you talk or how much you repeat things, people misunderstand. People misinterpret. People read into what you say in the ways they want to read into them. People hear what they they want to hear. See what they want to see. People feel what they want to feel.
Even if you give someone a compliment they can wonder why you’re telling them that? Why them? Why now?
Even if you have the “audacity” to open up your heart to someone about a pain point totally unrelated to them, they can hear what you’re saying and get all emotional and create a full-blown drama because they think you’re blaming them. Like, WHATTT?
So What Should You Do Knowing That Maybe Nobody In Your Life Truly Listens To You?
No matter how lonely or misunderstood you feel, please remember that YOU DO have someone who listens to you and that person is YOU.
Yes, you have God, too or whomever you believe in.
But terrestrially speaking, your best ally is you. The person who has the least potential of betraying you is you. The only person who can totally get where you’re coming from is you.
Breathe. People don’t have to understand you.
They’re not walking in your shoes.
And they won’t be able to.
And that’s okay.
Because you know what?
And there is no other person who can walk as elegantly in your shoes as you are.
What Does The Fact That Life Often Seems Like We All Have Our Communication Wires Crossed Mean?
This post is not intended to play you against the world, but to make you realize that when the world is against you, or that you feel like you’re not part of this world… that you have you to count on.
You can’t force people to actually understand you or to be interested in listening to you.
But in the road of life, there will be people who are interested, and almost inevitably, you will have miscommunications with them. When that happens, you can truly to clearly state your point to resolve any increasing conflict.
However, if they would rather see life exclusively through their perspective and show no empathy toward you… then, the fact that they’re not listening to you with an open heart is good for you…. because otherwise, you would just be wasting your energy.
When you face difficulty listen to yourself. 99.9% of the time, you’ll find the answers and validation within you instead of becoming co-dependent in squeezing the crumbs of acceptance and validation other people have to offer.
If you do this, this new year can be more empowering than it ever has before because instead of focusing on the shiz happening to you, you’ll be focused on making shiz that speaks to you and is part of your dream, happen.
It’s Your Turn To Share With Me
I would love to know what you took away from this content by having answer any of the questions you want below or leaving your own comment:
- Do these types of circumstances resonate with you?
- Which of the 5 reasons spoke to you the most? Why?
- How do you handle not feeling ashamed if nobody or hardly anybody in your life truly listens to you?
- During what time of the year do you think people are less willing to listen to you? Why do you think that is?