You Are So Self-Centered
Admit it. You are. We all are. Until… we face our own truth and the truth of others.
Put bluntly, we are often all cowards when it comes to love.
We focus on protecting our hearts. But we hardly ever focus on how the hearts of the people close to us, and the hearts of the people on the other side of the world are doing.
When It Comes To Love, We’re Inconsistent
It seems that there is a dichotomy in which we privately focus on love, but publicly pretend that we’re focused on other things. Our egos feel safer that way, we don’t want to be perceived as “softies,” as if we were marshmallows.
Conversely, there are people who publicly focus on love and privately focus on other things. Mmm, that’s not being a softie, that’s often being a “fakie.” In other words, these people are not walking their talk.
But perhaps, it’s because love overwhelms them.
Love Overwhelms You
It does. Admit that aside from being self-centered, that love is overwhelming to you.
You think you’re doing the love thing right, but in all honesty, you don’t know:
- Who to love
- When to reveal your love
- When to hide your love
- How to love
- When others should mingle in your love life
- What to do when you have issues in your love life
- Why to love
- How much love is too much love
And the list could go on.
What’s important to acknowledge is that the overwhelm comes because you don’t know how to best use this thing called love. You’re told that:
- It’s the greatest thing you have, but you don’t quite know what do do with it.
- It’s your greatest compass but you don’t know where it should take you.
- It’s your greatest gift but you don’t know who to give it to.
- It’s your greatest treasure but you don’t know who could benefit the most from its richness.
It’s Not Your Fault That You’re So Messed Up (Or At Least Clueless) When It Comes to Love, But You HAVE TO Take Responsibility Anyway
You’re conditioned, as part of your consumerist society, to want more. And when you’re asked what you want more of, the answer usually always is more “things.”
You think that a better house, the newest gadget, a fancier car, a third vacation for the year, or name-brand clothes will make you happier.
As you know, there is often a short-lived happiness even when you do get “more” of those “things” you chase after because instead of being utterly grateful for what you buy for yourself or that others gift you, you find something else you want to buy.
So it’s not the money or the things that will make you happy. It’s the experience that money can bring you and help you give others.
Just to clarify, It’s not that buying is bad. It can be a great thing.
The issue is how much you idolize buying and material things to the point that when someone asks you, “What do you want more of?” you don’t usually say that you want
- More love in your life
- To help more
- To be of service more
- To donate more
- To connect more
- To listen more
- To be present more
- To live more
But even if you’ve been conditioned by society to say that you want things more than you want connection, you know that connection, meaning, and love is what you’re really after.
Focusing On Love Publicly Requires Vulnerability
What is it then, that makes us often prefer things over people?
When it comes to romantic love, we are all ultimately walking around scared to death to be the ones who love the most and who potentially get hurt in the end.
Our egos are on alert.
Because we’ve been hurt, thank you very much.
We all have stories of when we loved someone and they didn’t love us back. So we hold back our love.
Yet we don’t hold our love back from our children, because we think they’ll never hurt us. Until they do.
And perhaps it’s then that we realize that it doesn’t matter if they hurt us.
Our love can be unconditional.
How Do You Limit Your Love in Friendships?
Even in friendships, you have a “limit” as to how many times you can tolerate inviting someone to your house or for an outing and have them say no.
You are also scared to invite someone who seems to always be busy and live by his/her calendar. You think you’re not worthy of their time.
You crave connection, but you’re scared of rejection.
Rejection hurts. There is no doubt about it.
And The Cycle Goes On
And on, and on. It’s not just partners you limit yourself in loving, it’s your friends, it’s your family, it’s your job, it’s your gifts, it’s your worth, it’s your impact, it’s your neighbor, it’s your community, it’s the world and ultimately it’s you.
What’s the Stupidest Reason For Not Sharing Our Love?
The saddest reason why you don’t do more with your love is because you don’t want to feel silly for loving too much or appear desperate for seeking love too much.
Deep down, you think your love is worthless.
You are so scared that it’s worthless, that out of shame you hide it well, and pull it out only in situations where you think that doing so is absolutely necessary.
The simple act of thinking that your love is worthless shatters you inside.
Because you’re torturing yourself.
Your love can never be worthless, it may not be perfect, but it’s never worthless.
So you hide it.
Well let me tell you that regardless of whether someone is open to your love or not, you gotta stop hiding it.
A Problem Well Stated Is A Problem Half Solved
If you have the courage to admit that you have a problem with love, you’re half way to resolving it.
And that’s good news for you.
But there’s a much, much, much, much, muuuuuchhh bigger issue going on in the world than in your own petty life that requires your attention. Immediately.
The World Is Suffering
You might say, “duh.”
But what I want you to take away is that the world is suffering in such a way that YOU CAN help.
There’s Always Lots of Ways We Can Focus on Love And Learn to Perfect It
This week, I learned more about love and the power of love that I’ve learned in a long time.
Marie Forleo’s MarieTV blog.
This week, she interviewed a couple who she’s so inspired by and who has tremendously inspired me as well.
In the upcoming weeks, I’ll be sharing with you some realities that will make your issues or whatever you think is the world’s worst issue, to seem like they’re a non-issue.
It’ll be a journey into love like you probably haven’t experienced before. But which will help the world, big time.
So How Can You Be Less Self-Centered?
Before I wrap up, I’ll leave you with two little gifts that are inspiring me to become less self-centered. Feel free to share it with your friends.
If you’re still worried that your love isn’t enough, your contributions can’t possibly be enough or that you aren’t enough, I’m telling you right now, STOP IT! You literally, for real, and more than ever don’t have any idea how lucky you are.
Brace yourself, because in the upcoming posts I’ll prove that to you.
Time To Share Your Wisdom Tokens
In the meantime, tell me in the comments below:
- Why do you think people are not focusing enough on love?
- What do you think leads to self-centeredness?
And if you’re feeling really brave, tell me:
- Do you think you can overcome or have you already overcome self-centeredness?