Where Does Love Come From, Your Heart Or Your Soul?

Where Does Love Come From, Your Heart Or Your Soul?

I know, I know, you must be have reread this question at least a couple of times and asked yourself, “Whaaaaat? Isn’t the heart and the soul the same thing?”

I remember being in a book club in college and asking the same thing. It gets even more confusing when you try to add the word “spirit” into the mix.

But for now, let’s focus on the question: where does love come from, your heart or your soul?

In order to be able to answer this question, it’s important to define what soul means and what heart means.

Let’s start off with soul.

What Is The Soul?

The soul:

  • Defines who you are.
  • It is your true identity.
  • It is your personality… that doesn’t change whether you’re with others or alone.
  • It’s your core essence.
  • It is your “CEO self”… the one which makes the lifestyle and behavioral decisions that shape the outcome of your life.
    • These choices range from:
      • What do you do for fun?
      • What do you do when you’re stressed?
      • How do you spend your time?
      • How do you spend your money?
      • Who do you admire both in and out of the entertainment industry?
      • What shows do you watch? What values or lack of values do these shows portray?
      • What books do you read? What lessons do these books teach you (if any)?
      • Who do you love?
      • What kind of people do you allow to be part of your life?
      • What do you treasure?
      • What are your core values?
      • What core values are determining the choices that you make?

Now let’s talk about the heart.

What Is The Heart?

The heart:

  • Although your physical heart is only the size of your clenched fist… your emotional heart is much larger.
  • It’s whom you intuitively associate yourself with.
  • For example, when someone asks you to point to yourself, instinctively, you point to the location where your physical heart is.
  • In your mind, well actually according to you… you are in in your heart.
  • Even the most intellectual person does not point to their brain when someone asks them to point to themselves.
  • The heart is our “feeling/emotions and desire center,” almost like a “feeling, emotion and desire dashboard.”
  • When you empathize with someone, you feel their hurt or how they’re feeling in your heart.
  • When you ache for someone, or miss them, you feel it in your heart.
  • When you lose someone either because they went away or because they passed away you feel a heaviness in your heart.
  • When you are happy beyond belief to see someone you feel it in your heart (and most likely in your stomach as well, due to all of the butterflies you are feeling.
  • And the Cinderella song that says:
    • A dream is a wish your heart makes
      When you’re fast asleep
      In dreams you will lose your heartache
      Whatever you wish for you keep

      Have faith in your dreams and someday
      Your rainbow will come smiling through
      No matter how your heart is grieving
      If you keep on believing
      the dream that you wish will come true

  • So in other words, our dreams come from our heart. By the way, the line in red in the lyrics above is probably my favorite line from a Disney love song.
  • The heart is more weaker than the spirit because it is more susceptible to the interactions of others.
  • The heart is something that we need to protect because it is prone to be “broken” although we know that it’s fragile and powerful at the same time.
  • When we experience a romantic loss, we often say, “my heart is broken.” We don’t say, “my spirit is broken.”

So Where Does Love Come From, The Heart Or The Soul?

As you can see, love can come from both the heart and the soul.

Let’s explore what loving with the heart and loving with the soul looks like.

What Does Loving Someone With Your Heart Mean?

For most of you, loving with your heart is easy.

That’s what you know how to do.

Your heart is where most of the love that you give to others comes from.

If you stop to think about it, it’s a beautiful thing that you are willing to love yourself with the a delicate part of you that is bound to be hurt.

But you do it over and over again, because it’s worth it to you to know that you’re establishing an emotional connection that can uplift, inspire, illuminate, bless, value, make someone feel special and the list goes on and on.

That’s why when you know that someone loves you and they demonstrate it well, you treasure that love … because it is a treasure.

What Does Loving Someone With Your Soul Mean?

Loving someone with your soul means that you are:

  • loving someone faithfully (which doesn’t mean exclusively).
    • For instance, you can love your mother and your sibling with all of your soul.
    • It doesn’t mean that you can love one or the other.
  • It often (but not always) means that you can love someone to such a degree that you would “almost” do anything that they asked you for them…as long as it doesn’t compromise you too much.
  • It means loving them with more than your feeling, emotion and desire center.. you are loving them with all that you are. Meaning your whole entire essence is loving them.
  • It is easier to love your child with your heart and soul than it is to love your neighbor with your heart and soul.
  • Loving with your soul embraces the person whom you love completely.
  • And almost undeniably (you’ll see what this means in a second).

Who Decides Whether You Love Someone With Your Heart Or With Your Soul?

It’s hard and unnatural to dictate to yourself whether you should love someone with your heart or with your soul.

  • Love can be born just from the heart. And forever stay in just the heart.
  • It can also be born in the heart and then progress to the soul as well.
  • Love can also be be born in the heart and soul simultaneously. Like when you have a child.

Generally speaking, most people love more people with their heart and fewer people with their soul.

It just happens to be like that.

So, by nature, you can tell how much someone means to you based on whether you love them with your heart or whether you love them with both your heart and soul.

It’s a guidance system that you should just accept and not feel bad to try to manipulate it.

Loving, Whether It’s With Your Heart Or With Your Soul Is Still Special

Feeling love in you is marvelous thing.

Regardless of whether you love someone with your soul or with your heart… you need to demonstrate love.


And as we’ve talked about in this site before, you need express your love in a way that the other person grasps. Otherwise, they will not feel your love.

If you love them with your heart that’s great.

  • And while YOU may feel great loving them, what good does it do them (or do in general) if they have no clue about it?
  • Loving someone “secretly” is romantic until… someone really needs it to feel valuable. Then, not demonstrating their love is cruel.

If you love them with your heart and soul…they should absolutely know about it. It’s like informing them that they won an Oscar in Love. They deserve to know! So tell them!

To Wrap It Up

The main difference between loving someone with the soul vs. loving them with the heart is that your heart expresses love through affection and your soul expresses love through devotion.

Now It’s Your Turn!

Do you now see the difference between loving someone with your heart and loving someone with your soul?

Share some examples with us below.

You can even get creative and share how you act when you know that you love someone with your heart vs. how you act when you love someone with your soul. Or both.

Can’t wait to hear your comments below!

Your experiences will also enrich our perspectives. 🙂


  1. Cathey says:

    I’m 63 years old. I’ve been married three times. First time at 17 to get away from home. That marriage ended at 10 years. My last two husbands have passed away. My whole life I’ve never had that high love. When my last husband passed away. I had a old high school classmate that had been a pastor since he was 20. He also is 63. He started consoling me on Facebook. It started out as that, but lead to deeper connections. The problem was that he was married and had been for 33 years. After 5 months we told each other we loved one another. We live 500 miles apart but he has family here where I live. He grew up here also. This is a very complicated romance. We met finally after 6 months for the first time. The first eye contact we were down for the count. He said we became one flesh. Two weeks later he ask me to be his wife. How do you ask someone to marry you when your already married?. We talked every single day without break. We met again 3 months later and spent 3 days and nights together. We both agreed we never experienced anything in the world like it. After the 3 day trip he was getting a lot of heat from home. I hated out for her, but he said they were like brother and sister not husband and wife. He said he was not giving up on us. But things kept getting worse. He had already told his 3 grown children that he was not going to be able to s tay there. For several reasons. He always say I’d he felt married to me and wanted me to have his last name. When things became really bad for him at home. I sdecided it vwould be best that we take s one time off. He was very upset about that he shut down his facebook for 2 days. When he came back on we didn’t talk. I truly believed he loved me, but I told him I never wanted this to get started if it wasn’t going anywhere. He said trust me honey when the Lord moves us I will be there. There is much more to this love affair to really grasp the whole story. Basically when we quit talking in August I felt so much loss. Its been 5 months and I prauy to God every day to stop loving him. I didn’t feel like this when I lost my last two spouses. I have grieved and cried ever single day. I know the difference in the two now. But I do love him with my heart and soul. I left my soul behind with him and I will never get it back. Its very devastating to love with the heart and soul. I will never be the same woman. I’m totally devoted for life to this mean even though we don’t see or talk. The loss feels deeper each day. Its something I can never lose. May God be with anyone who loves with the heart and soul.

    • Victoria says:

      Wow Cathey, thank you for being so brave to share your story. Its so recent too. I hope it works out for all of you, especially the two of you. I feel that true happiness is worth more weight in gold than a falsehood ‘obligation’. Meaning you two are better for the world being together happily than being apart and him having to fulfill a falsehood guilt ridden ‘obligation’ and you in limbo with a part of you soul in deep pain. Are you grateful for the experience or do you wish you never knew, so that you wouldn’t feel this type if pain?

      I’m the type of person who will love hard with my heart but then relies that my soul is unhappy in the relationship. My soul is shy from hurt inflicted by my biological family. I healed this part of me but then relapsed for like 8 longest years. Now I’m free again finding myself and a few months out from a long term relationship. I loved him with my heart openly and revealed my soul to him but after the spark there was no fire in the relationship. Now I’m searching for answers to get to know my soul better so I can have a happy soul. Happy soul happy life is where my thinking is at. Which is how I found this site.
      I think I hide behind my hearts love which I give so openly so that I feel like there is more Happiness in the world. This is my substitution for my souls contentment. Which I will not except anymore, especially in 2016.
      I liked the article thank you to the Writer Haydee Montemayor? and thank you Cathey.
      Happy soul Happy life.

      • Haydee Montemayor says:

        Thank you for your kind words to both Cathey and I, Victoria. 🙂

        You’re spot on. Your happiness with yourself is SUPER important, especially this year. It’s out with the old in with the new. Don’t you feel it?

        I’ve been decluttering relationships, things, projects, ideas, ways of thinking, you name it.

        Remember that we should only look back just to see how far you’ve come (not to stay stuck there). But focus on being kind to yourself today, happy with yourself today… with baby steps. With little, tiny kind acts for yourself.

        When you meet someone, if you meet someone (because remember, life is not dependent on that)… please be sure that instead of showering THEM with the love you think they need, you focus instead on whether this relationship is giving you what you need. Little by little. Without seeming needy… but without appearing like you have no needs whatsoever.

        And yes, happy soul happy life is a very reasonable thought. And as you know, there’s no use in finding someone without having found, truly known, honored and nourished your own soul. Plus, it’s often the case that when you’re fixated on finding someone, you don’t. So focus your true attention elsewhere… on YOU… on others in your life worthy of love… and in your community/world that needs love.

        Ultimately, don’t give your power to others…. I’m sure that you, like me, have done this wayyyy to many times and it leads to nowhere happy. You have the reigns, you are the queen of your kingdom… live accordingly. 🙂

    • Nicole says:

      I’m very touched by your story. You may find some answers in lookingeneral up twin flames I guarantee it will enlighten all of you 🙂

      Love an peace
      Love is still alive in us all but it’s up to us to share it with all

    • Alan Lloyd says:


      I, too, love somw one with BOTH heart AND soul. We are no longer together and my ex has moved on, now with someone new. We talk and we miss each other, but I don’t know if I’m missed the same way that I miss them. I TOTALLY understand what you said when you grieve everyday. It just crushes the very who of who you are. I can only hope, in time, he’ll realize were meant to be together and we’ll get back together and be happy for the rest of our time. We’re soulmates, we both agree on this. It’s just hard. Really hard.

    • Haydee Montemayor says:

      Hi Cathey,
      I know how difficult it is to face reality sometimes.

      I know how love turns out to be more complex than we wish it was. Impossible, even.

      But even in impossible loves, there are treasures. To be cherished for what they gave us during some time. The illusion, the butterflies, the hope… but even those things aren’t enough to sustain ourselves or our hope.

      Unreciprocated love… is one of the things that gets old really fast. Yet what we seem to do is play out that tape in slow motion. Think about it, if you sense that a coworker doesn’t like you… do you wait months, years or decades hoping that they’ll turn around and like you completely after all that time? No! Not at all. We usually accept the facts right away.

      I can sense from what you wrote that you have a kind heart. A REALLY kind heart. Make sure that you maintain your power by giving yourself AT LEAST 51% of that love. Otherwise…. you’re depleted… you don’t have the true power that you need to have to give others love that has the odds of lasting.

      Actions always speak louder than words. This applies to what you do and to what others do in response to you. When someone’s committed, they show up, and don’t flake out. So, show up for yourself… every day… with little things, medium things, big things. This will help you get your footing.

      And remember, what’s meant to be yours, will be yours. You mention God… so I’ll leave you with this, you think that God would want you to have “half of the pie” or the whole pie? I hope you think yourself worthy of the whole pie….and remember… giving starts with you. Fill yourself until your cup runneth over. And thennnnn others can get the true, glorious, abundant, self-loving you. 🙂

  2. Leilani says:

    I do love someone with my heart and soul. Though we didn’t end up with each other because he broke my heart 26 yrs ago the feelings never left me. Just recently he reconnected with me in FB said he realized he did really bad when he broke up with me and said his apology. I told him I already forgave him long time ago and never hated him even once. We had continued our communications and eventually said things we shouldn’thavev because we both are already married n have kids. We still love each other though we know that we don’t belong to each other anymore. The feelings is wonderful but sad to say that some good things just never meant to last… And that is a fact. We both know that what we have right now will end eventually, we are thousands miles away, maybe a million and there’s no way we can meet personally it’s just impossible.

    • Haydee Montemayor says:

      That happens sometimes. And one of the best things to do is to focus on what you have now. I’m just uploaded a quotation onto social media that says, “Focus on what you now have because what you have is what you once wanted and what many would give the world for.” It’s easy to “imagine” the “what if’s” but even if he hadn’t broken your heart 26 years ago.. it doesn’t mean that you two would have ended up together. Sometimes, happiness is the best indication that the place you are at, is the place where you’re meant to be.

  3. Lee Cormier says:

    I know the feeling. I am separated at this time and in the process of filling for divorce. The reason of the divorce is irreconcilable differences. I have feelings for another woman and that is where the hard part is. She is married and we talk and her marriage is on the rocks as well. I have been doing some heavy thinking about this and I am asking myself do I love her or just attracted to her? If I only had a crystal ball to see what to do and what is in the future. I head feels like a tornado and going thru hell….. What do I do?

  4. ROSE says:


  5. Jenny says:

    I married someone that I love with my heart. The only problem is that there’s this woman that I have loved with my soul every since I looked into her blue eyes. I loved her with every ounce of my being, and she slipped through my grasp while I was holding her. I stood in an empty parking lot with tears in my eyes, as I watched my love walk away. It’s been 3 long years, and I still can’t stop myself from crying over losing her. The craziest thing is that we never knew much about each other. There was just always a gravitational pull between us when the other was near. With her, I felt things I never knew was possible. Now, I come home to a wife that loves unconditionally. I just wish I could’ve at least been told what I did to deserve such a cold ending.

    • Haydee Montemayor says:

      Goodbyes are hard. A goodbye with no apparent reason is much harder. With love, sometimes there are no answers… just circumstances.

      And often, the love we do have is much, MUCH better than the love we wondered why we don’t have. Focus on the people around you who love you. Although you may consider that the love of those around you is more imperfect than the one that you think you could have had from this blue-eyed lady… you know what’s magical about the love that’s already in your life? It’s already there. For you. Often, if not every day.

  6. Valarie Reed says:

    Hi Cathy.
    Thank you for sharing your story. I reunited a relationship with a man who always claimed that I was the love of his life. About 15 years ago when he started dating his ex-wife he called to tell me, I approved and he moved forward. Maybe, two years later he called to say he was going to asked her to Marry him. Again, I approved. Then, I realized I had given away the man that always confessed to loving me. He stayed married for ten years after dating her for two. During this time I saw him once and spoke with him on the phone maybe eight times. Our conversation was always appropriate and was never out of line. So, I will admit when I found out he was separated, I thought about us being together. He confessed to me that he would never trust another woman so I began changing my thoughts of us being together.
    After he was divorced for almost two years, January 2016 he asked me if we could try and make it work.. it was easy but finally in July we made a go for it. I was sooo happy being with him. I felt that this was ordained by God- having us back together again. I often gave God the thanks as I shared my story with others who did not know us. And, For all those that knew us they were happy we were back together again.
    Unexpectedly, everything changed. He met another woman after spending Thankasgiving weekend with my family. He introduced his daughter to me an my family and we all fell in love with her beautiful personality. He abruptly stopped communicating with me. He’s not a good manipulator, so his way of handling this new woman was to lie to me and cut me off.
    I thought his life was In danger, as this was the story he led me and his family to believe. He wanted me to back off, while he handled this goon. I showed up at his home and believed his lie, but a few days later I realized that his behaviors were indicative of a man that was cheating. Later it was confirmed that there was another woman. My heart and soul was ripped out of my chest. I cried as though someone had died. I had known him since I was five years old and I had just lost my lifetime friend and my lover. I’m still grieving and I miss him still. I often entertain the thought of us getting back together, that how much I miss and love him. He’s in love with another woman and I just can’t believe she took my man away from me. All that I wanted with him, he now gives to her.
    This is the second time this has shown up in my life, the first time was with my son’s father. I still believe in love, but I just can’t figure why love hasn’t loved me. I know how it feels to love someone with my heart and soul and to loose that love. While, I know that he and I will never be back together. I pray, for this kind of love or better so show up for me.

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